vivilee's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- choking I'm still pretty hung up on him and in order to get rid of these emotions I really need to quit soon. I'm thinking about him too much and I ache when I don't see him. Lately, I've only been seeing him for about a minute or two when he shows up to get something from work. I miss talking to him and being close to him. It's so sad. It's so hopeless. The other day when he came in to pick up some things he gave me the strangest look. It was an almost desperate look, wide-eyed like he had to see me. I couldn't really read more than that but it did look like he had to see me. He's going to San Diego for a week or so and I am going to miss him. His wife is back and she is a nice woman, I have no negative feelings towards her. I don't know why I'm being like this and why I keep working there. I do like my co-workers a lot and it's funny how I get along with all of them. I am amazed actually--I'm not the most extroverted person but I now realise that I'm not that introverted either. It physically hurts when I don't see him. WTF is wrong with me. I read somewhere that infatuation is the same as terror. The same feelings are there, the butterflies, the pounding, rapid heartbeat and the helpless draw towards what is causing the fear because you feel that it is unescapable. It's a choking kind of feeling--he takes my breath away and I don't know if I'm being delusional but I feel that I have the same effect on him. I see it in his eyes. It could all be in my head and a total delusion. On one hand it would be a relief, I could continue with my life the way it is now and nothing would be wrong. 11:53 p.m. - 2010-09-24 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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