vivilee's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear God Dear God, I don't know why you haven't answered my prayers about my business. The store is dying. We're unable to make our payments to our suppliers and we are bouncing our rent checks. Our sales are up but we can't make the orders because the cash flow is too small. I don't want to go back to grooming dogs because it is a thankless, dirty, horrible job with backbreaking labor and I absolutely loathe doing it--it will end up killing me. I know I shouldn't be so spoiled but I can't do things I'm forced into doing. I'd rather kill myself than groom again. There has to be another way. Ivan won't let me close the store until I have another career in mind. I don't want to work for other people. I'd rather hole up and become a recluse and live in a cave. I was thinking about medical transcription but I don't have the funds to take the course to become a certified transcriptionist. If I had the money to do anything I wanted I would keep the store, fix it up and carry more food lines. I would hire a manager--someone with more managerial skills. I am not good with customer service, I lack patience for stupidity and slowness. I am so sick of people taking advantage of our coaching. We try to convince people to become educated about the products they buy for their pets but most people are so stupid and don't care or they still don't get it. I'd say about half our customers are stupid like that. We spend hours with them and still they decide to go and buy Milkbones. It's very discouraging. We educate them so that they have the skills to make the proper decision for their pet's well being. Maybe I'm one of those people that can't find anything. Maybe there is no career for me, I'm going to fail at everything I do because I am so poor at doing everything I start out to do. I start out strong and everything seems to be going well and then it becomes tedious and boring. Or I become irritated by the people to the point where I push them all away. What am I supposed to do with my life, God? Answer me. Show me. Please make it obvious because at this point I have no clue. Right now, I hate the store. I hate it that it doesn't make enough money. I hate my life right now because of the lack of money. I'm always out of FUCKING GODDAMN MONEY. I try so hard not to be motivated by money, to not become a greedy, evil moneymonger and it seems as if only that type of person really succeeds in business. How is it that Dino is able to make so much money from his stores. The amount of inventory he has vs. sales can't be that high. I just don't understand. How is it that anyone can succeed with a small business? How are the other Bark and Fitz stores surviving? Am I ever going to make real money? Am I ever going to be able to pay everybody back for the money I've taken from them? I just want to die from the shame of it all. I've been trying VERY hard to be happier, to think on the bright side, to take care of my health, to be a better person. But there are times like now, where I just spiral. Liloo has allergies. Whenever she gets ill it upsets me because I wonder what I'm doing wrong. And cruel horrible people like Nanette make bets on when she's going to die because she thinks I'm stupid about Liloo's health. I guess now I should try and focus on the good stuff. 1. I'm losing weight. So obviously all this research has led somewhere and I've finally figured out how to lose weight without exercising or starving myself. All I do now is eat more fresh, raw veggies. That's it and I'm losing weight. 2. I'm healthier because of all this veggie eating. 3. I've found some really great resources online for free. 4. I have a knowledge addiction and I get my fix for free. 5. I am unusually good at finding ways to make things happen for my benefit no matter how outrageous it may seem at the time I dream up the scenario or idea. 6. The store is failing. This may be a good thing because it is forcing me to think about a successful career with better money and possibilities. I want to work from home. More than anything, I want to work from home and make lots of money working from home. How do you get jobs like that... I want to live where there's more sunshine. 7:05 a.m. - 2010-02-05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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