vivilee's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- fucked I think we're fucked. The bills are really mounting up and checks are bouncing. We haven't paid our taxes. We are quite fucked right now. I am hoping for a miracle. I probably owe more than $100K now. I've booked an appointment with the bankruptcy trustee--it really is that bad. I haven't been able to sleep properly, been sleeping too early and getting up at weird hours. I'm trying not to get stressed but the subconscious mind is powerful and stresses out for me. I have been eating very healthy and doing yoga almost every night to combat this stress however I don't think it's really helping since I'm not losing weight. I don't believe in a slow metabolism but it does seem that way. I know that I am supposed to control my emotions and not stress out because it is pointless. It won't make me any more money. It won't solve any problems. It's just creating more cortisol in my body and making me miserable. All my life I've had problems with money but this takes the cake. I really don't understand how some people can make so much money and others just drain it away like water. That's what money feels like to me, like water. Nothing to hold onto--so valuable yet so hard to keep in your hands. Why won't god give me a break, some luck, some help. I ask everyday. What does god want me to do? I am sick of this life. I wish I could shed it like an old skin and start over fresh and do everything right. I am only full of regrets when my life is not thriving. It's too late now to think about another life. I gotta fix this one and make a different life. Or at least make it successful and sell it to another person. Life really sucks shit right now. It really sucks shit--like a toilet that's dry and full of crap and can't flush. I feel frustrated, angry, fat, resentful, and poor. 2:44 a.m. - 2009-07-04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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