vivilee's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- now i know what happiness is something strange is going on with me. it's like i don't really care about work anymore...i've been late for the past few days and today i just called in sick. i am sick, i have a cold and i feel so tired all the time and right now i feel feverish and headachey. i'm also going through some kind of anxiety and i feel low on work morale because i am so paranoid that somebody is trying to sabotage my efforts at work. there was seventeen dollars of cash that went missing and no one can track it and i'm paranoid that people think it is me because i make mistakes. i'm also paranoid that my perceptions are wrong about my coworkers. i myself like them all but, perhaps they don't feel the same about me. i shouldn't feel like this it is all a construct of my own mind. why should i give a shit about what people think of me, it just makes me suffer needlessly. i feel so hot is it hot in here? i have my period earlier now, the cycle has changed yet again. i'm scared that when paul comes back i'm going to have those powerful feelings again and that i won't be able to control them. i am so aware of how my emotions cause basically all of my suffering and how they are caused by my own mind. it's not that they are wrong...i am super aware of why they occur so i suppose that's the first step towards easing the anxiety. so weak. so needy. so sick. i just want to be happy but to be happy i can't want it. 2:35 a.m. - 2010-10-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||