vivilee's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- patience Self sabotage or just lazy...probably a combination of both, or perhaps it is just my way of saving my own life. That's how I'm going to see it...I called my manager this morning after calling in sick for a week and told her I was diagnosed with panic disorder a few months ago and that it was acting up again. This is true, but not the real reason why I just couldn't get my bum to work. My panic attacks are nowhere near as severe as they were before. I just really hate that job. So, now I'm unemployed again. I suppose I could have gone for disability but I couldn't be bothered because I have no intention of returning to the job. It wouldn't be fair to the company. I'd just be a lying bitch rather than someone who just resigned because of personal difficulties. I don't know how I'm going to get another job. Who is going to hire someone like me? Well, I have to keep a positive outlook. Now, I know not to just take any old job. I know very specifically what kind of job I need to have to be happy. The problem is finding a job like that via the tools I use to find a job. I'm not really introverted because I can get along with people easily. It's just that I don't pursue social situations. I don't find it pleasurable nor do I find it horrible. It's just a neutral thing. I prefer to be with one other person or solitary. I need more solitude than a regular person. I also like to use the internet as a tool to find a job. All my past jobs were found through the internet. My dream job is to work from home designing websites. I'm starting to learn how to develop database applications for the web using mysql, php and apache. I've got to keep working hard, because the day you stop working hard, is the day God takes it all away. And I've lost my job at Prudential because I couldn't tolerate another day. At least now I told the manager instead of just not showing up. I'm improving. 11:34 a.m. - 2002-11-11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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