vivilee's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- sam Been doing Kundalini yoga for the past 2 weeks and I do notice differences. I am happier and I think I'm actually for the first time ever losing weight after trying so many other types of exercise. On another note, I'm infatuated with a much younger man. I know it's obsession and I'm hoping it will pass. It's sickness. I am just really sexually turned on by him. I had this happen before and it eventually went away to the point where I became repulsed by the guy but I think this one will be different. I find him very sexually attractive. I just want to fuck him very badly. I want to mount him and have his manhood inside of me and I want him to make me explode. I want his sperm and I want his children. There's nothing really that special about him other than he is well liked by a lot of people and that a lot of women are attracted to him. He doesn't make that much money but he does have a stable job and he seems well-adjusted overall. Simple. He's musical. I think he picks things up easily. He's good with his dog. Oh and he's tall and has a very cute face. It is absolutely hopeless for him and I to be together. He is 13 years younger. He has a girlfriend I think. So many women like him so I would be jealous all the time. I would also worry about looking older than him. The thing is...I'm pretty certain that he feels the same about me...I don't know how I know but I can feel it... I wish this obsession would just go away. It's distracting. It's annoying me. It is clearly an indicator that I'm not sexually attracted to Ivan and that we need to work on that part of our relationship in a big way. We haven't discussed it or tried to make any kind of effort to make it better. I think we're just too tired and need an environment change. I would love to just take a vacation. Kundalini yoga is supposed to help you choose your thoughts and give your inner guidance more clarity and strength. At least I know that I will never act on my desires but if he does, I don't know if I can hold myself back. 6:57 a.m. - 2010-05-31 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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