vivilee's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- store and sex Tomorrow is the day I officially declare bankruptcy. The store has already been taken over by the landlord and seized by the bailiff. We already knew this was going to happen so we cleared out as much stuff as we could before they came. Funny thing, the key actually broke inside the lock so we were actually unable to open the door to take our last load of stuff. It was as if something was telling us to leave stuff. I've been slowly "healing" from the trauma of the store. It literally felt like I had gotten out of prison the days after. Just been really solitary these days. Been walking Liloo more and enjoying the outdoors. I really don't want to see anyone or hang out with friends. Perhaps I'm depressed but not really. I love Ivan a lot but the sexual feelings are just not there. I'm not attracted to him that way. I wish I was. I've been thinking about Paul. I noticed that when I'm horny I think about him. I fantasize about what it would be like with him. But, whatever, life goes on and this too will pass. I've been actively searching for a job and applying to jobs like crazy. I'm assuming that I should hear back from them sooner or later. Meanwhile, fantasizing is a normal part of sexual life. I refuse to feel guilty about it. 10:11 a.m. - 2011-05-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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