vivilee's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- zonk I've been working at CCI for the last while and it's alright. It's not amazing nor does it cause misery. Although, I did get pretty stressed out about a certain project guideline I put together for the owner. I just don't know why I'm still not happy. I get along with everybody there by default because I'm Ivan's wife. I also have their support somewhat. You are your own manager there, they don't breathe down your back, in fact, they kind of leave you alone to the point where it's neglect really. I don't feel like I'm contributing as much as I could. The stuff I did contribute didn't really get utilized the way I thought it would. See, if I were a man, things would be very different. But because I'm a young, attractive woman, everybody automatically assumes I know nothing about technology. I know I should try to be more assertive and make them listen to me. But they just think they know better. Yes, they know their own business better, but I have more experience creating software. It's like I have to read his mind or something. He explained how he wants the process done, however, he didn't say whether he wanted me to change the proposal. I'm assuming he does. I'm also assuming he wants other quotes. And I'm assuming he wants me to set them up. But I don't know. So I have to ask him about every detail to coax such answers out of him. Just like I'm a parent or something. And then he acts like a child and says stuff like "I don't understand". That's it really. He's just a little boy. Has no idea what he wants until limits and visuals are set by me. Then he starts rebelling. The boy has serious issues. I want to die. I don't want to deal with this kind of shit. I just want a job where I design under the guidance of a nice, normal person who sets out what they need very clearly. Who encourages and criticizes in a professional way. Someone who pays attention yet does not impede. That will never happen in this place. Plus, why should I work under anyone in the first place. This is a chance to be my own boss well, not really, it's more like I set the rules then Gordon changes most of them. I went from a job where absolutely every detail was laid out for me to a job where there are no rules. Then again, when do you really become your own boss? When you run your own service company, you are pretty much at the mercy of the client. The only kind of company where you can become truly your own boss is one where you are the owner of a distribution company. Yet to become that, you need to have plenty of capital. I took a day off because I'm just zonked. I need to just pull myself together. 11:38 a.m. - 2002-12-11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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