vivilee's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- fruition Slightly stagnant. That's how I describe how I'm feeling these days. A little bored with a touch of complacency and urgency at the same time. Looking for change and a way out of this weird job. I like my life, I just don't LOVE it--the thing is...maybe this is all that there is to life. I mean, some people absolutely loathe life. I used to hate my life. Now I'm at the point where I kind of like it, but it feels like it's still lacking something. I want to feel ALIVE. Really alive, really motivated and driven to succeed at some kind of mission--a journey to my mecca. Something spectacular and joyful. Is there such a thing in the stars for me? Does this mean I'm going to die soon? Doesn't God take your life when you've reached your pinnacle? That's a scary thought. Imagine if this were all that I could do with my life. Imagine if I died tomorrow or even tonight at this point in my life. I haven't done anything to be really proud of, nothing to contribute to the world in a significant way. I wouldn't mind changing the world for the better, but hey, I'm kind of scared and lazy. What exactly am I good at anyway? I'm okay at designing stuff like websites, brochures and interiors. I'm a better than average singer. I'm good at pilates and yoga. People like me and enjoy my company. I feel most ALIVE when I sing--especially a song that I love. The thing is, there are so many good singers. I wish I had better range. I think I've been kind of sad because I found out that I'm too old for Canadian Idol. I should at least take some vocal lessons or something. I'll feel more alive, I'll have more meaning in my life. Problem is, where am I going to find a vocal teacher. I want a good one, not just anybody. Or just open up a franchise of a new kind of karaoke...something I've been thinking of doing...it's coming to fruition. 11:04 p.m. - 2003-02-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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